Here we are, a week into 2022. For the past few years, I’ve been diligent about putting together a recap of my year with writing and photos, but at the end of 2021, it just didn’t happen. And that was okay, because I felt content with knowing that I had done much of my own internal reflection and processing—a lot of which I don’t actually need to share with the world. It was also a moment in which I chose to give myself grace, instead of beating myself up about it. Working with shame—and “the second arrow”—had become a big theme of the past year, and I’ve found the more I choose compassion over shame, the easier it becomes.
With a little more time to look back on the previous year and look forward to the one just arrived, I’ve been formulating the reflections I do want to share.
Last year, I went deep into myself. I came up against the edges. And then I pushed past them. I found myself reorienting toward *expansion* and *spaciousness* throughout the year. More and more, I simplified, letting constricting situations, people, ideas fall away so I could create more space for myself to expand as my authentic self—something that has felt new and hard, but very necessary.
I learned to become my own best partner/mother/friend/boss, realizing that no one else will ever be able to do it better. And I learned to loosen my grip in certain situations, knowing that it didn’t mean I was slacking, or not doing enough. Instead, it allowed me to invite in ease and openness, so that I could better find my own flow instead of trying to contort myself into structures that didn’t allow for my unfolding.
For me, the year was decidedly split into very different thirds: (1) moving through a lot of constriction, pain, reckoning; (2) reconnecting with my authentic self and entering into a time of great freedom and expansion; (3) slowing down and integrating it all into the version of myself I’m becoming.
Last year, I built relationships with many mentors and teachers—something I do every year, but with each new connection, it seems that the depth of the intention and relationship increases. Some were in my life for a season and some for the whole year, but all helped reflect back important pieces of myself.
With relationships in general, I went from feeling very lonely in a place that still felt very new to me, questioning what my place was in it all, to gradually integrating myself into multiple communities slowly emerging and coalescing—all wonderfully different but complementary, bringing out different facets of myself. And these included non-human communities and allies: plants, animals, fungi, rocks, and more. These were some of my most precious connections and prominent teachers.
I think that in 2021, I grew the most I ever have, but I suppose that happens every year. Because every year I trust myself a little more, love myself a little more, and betray myself a little less.
I’m sketching in slow intentions right now, knowing they will grow and evolve as the year itself does. As we remain in the dead of winter, momentum can feel hard to coax, but gently we churn onward toward days of longer light and vibrancy. I long to keep stepping fully into my power and living according to my own measure of success—one that is compassionate and realistic. As I look to my creative inspirations, I also aspire to continued mastery of my craft, realizing that this path is one that stretches onward and can only be tread through steady, consistent practice.
Thank you for reading and for witnessing my journey. May we all ride the changing winds this year with grace and ease.
